Today – Tomorrow

I go in for my monthly blood draw on Monday at 11:00 am and, as usual, I am a bit nervous about what will be revealed. 17 months post CAR T and we are moving forward. When I was first introduced to the procedure I was told that I could expect anywhere from 18 months to 2 years of sustained health without treatment. Well, we are very close to 18 months post procedure and boy do I like this “no treatment” routine. According to the docs, as long as my monoclonal peak is below .5, we proceed as is. Right now, the blood draw does not indicate the existence of a monoclonal peak so that is very welcomed. I am very grateful to be where I am right now.

I can state with total certainty however, that there is very much an awareness that this current condition is not a permanent situation. Of course, in life nothing is permanent, so I guess its just business as usual.

I do not know what life holds for me down the road. I have been given some information about the availability of various newer treatment programs and clinical trials/studies but we (the oncologist and myself) are not addressing any specific plans at this time. That is for tomorrow so to speak. Today, as I try to stay in the now, I focus on ……

Well, what do I focus on?

Do I plan on taking an exotic trip to some faraway land before my numbers deem additional treatments necessary? Do I create a bucket list of items to check off prior to the next round of chemo?

Here is a thought that for some reason has gotten louder and has been rumbling around in my head recently:  Do I look at the next step and just say “enough;” no more, how about we just let nature takes its course.

Well.

Over the last couple of months, I have experienced the pain of losing people who have passed on to whatever comes next. Death. Some were dear friends, some close relatives, some former clients, and work colleagues. Some expected, some unexpected. Some fought ferociously, some happened to die suddenly and some just said enough and stopped their treatment. Some were older than I am, some were younger.

Each provided a pause.

The word or idea of cancer (maybe I should write that in all-caps and bold format) to many of my generation and to others as well, seems to have a way of making sure that there is some understanding of the importance of our life. When first diagnosed, the initial thought I had sitting across from my physician was something to the effect of “how long do I have to live?” Suddenly, my mortality took center stage.

According to the dictionary that I use, mortality is defined as “the state of being subject to death.” Yep, no doubt, that was one of my first thoughts. I knew without uncertainty that I was subject to death.

Some ten plus years later from that initial diagnosis, that thought can and often does appear front and center when moving forward.  But now, it must be coupled with a notion that rather than just focusing on what comes next, there must be some action taken regarding what is now. And the key word there is action.

Living with Multiple Myeloma is not a death sentence any more than trying to cross a busy street when not being very mindful of the bus that is headed your way. Yes, it comes with many more hurdles and compromises, however the progress made towards effectively managing this cancer has been significant.

For many, there is a tomorrow.

Of course, treatments and protocols offer no guarantee about what that looks like. It is very much out of our control as to how effective any course of action will be. The attempts made trying to predict the future and developing a nice, neat timeline for survival are educated guesses which can result in the development of a limited perspective. And, our perspectives matter regardless of where we are at (first protocol, fourth protocol or post CAR T treatment) along the Multiple Myeloma timeline..

There used to be a very popular saying back in the 60’s credited to Abbie Hoffman (a serious counterculture malcontent who caused some major concerns back in the days and yes, I am dating myself) that went something like this: “today is the first day of the rest of my life”.

Well, what about that?

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Song Of The Month

It’s Now Or Never by Elvis Presley

Well, I suppose it’s about time I included a hit by Elvis.  Seems like this tune fits perfectly with the article.  “It’s Now or Never” is an American version of an Italian piece called “O Sole Mio.”

This Elvis version was released in 1960 and was a number one hit for 5 weeks.  A re-release of the song in 2005 also hit #1.  According to some, this was his biggest hit on the charts.

Elvis – what can one write that has not already been written.

Enjoy the melody. It’s now or never, I guess.