Bucked Off
- Mark Pajak
- Aug 26
- 4 min read
I still do not feel 100% following a turn with pneumonia but as Gene Autry, the Singing Cowboy once sang, “I’m back in the saddle again”.
To review, in July, I spent seven days in a hospital, followed by about four weeks of coveting any bed, couch, lounge chair or reclining apparatus that could hold my prone body because of the pneumonia. Now finally, I am feeling somewhat stronger and more energetic. These days I am not horizontal for most of my waking hours. I do not need oxygen (which I did during the most critical times) to maintain a proper oxygen saturation level and I believe that I will be able to visit the golf course soon. However, I will take a cart because I am walking soooo slowly these days. Making progress.
Cancer-wise we are moving forward as well. A bone biopsy in July provided us with a lack of evidence regarding the disease, which was very welcomed. Continued low ANC numbers and the very real concern about the vulnerability to additional infections prompted an infusion of stem cells as well as another infusion for low IGg to help boost my current blood numbers.
So, on that front the news was very welcomed. However, this past month was about much more than just the Multiple Myeloma (MM).
One of the lessons learned, or better yet remembered this past month, was that while treating cancer, there will always be on-going situations that can cause grief. Case in point the pneumonia. All the possible complications that can occur to any and every one of us is astonishing. So much can go wrong at a moment’s notice. The “suffering experiences” that are available on life’s menu are endless. And when you are living with cancer, staying healthy is not as easy as it once was.
A stable, manageable situation with Multiple Myeloma (MM) guarantees nothing about other potential health issues. This marvelous machine we call the body operates so many systems on a 24/7/365 basis. Occupying my mind’s time with what-ifs and maybe’s regarding health concerns does not seem like a valuable use of mental energy. And sometimes suspending the reality of so many possibilities for the sake of one’s sanity can work wonders. Of course it can also bite you on the backside.
Very few, if any, of the “certainties” in life survive until the end. And the deals we make regarding these certainties most likely are “shaky” at best. Consider that in my situation all is fine until the next blood draw.
Driving home from my most recent trip to the hospital I noticed along the route several work crews repairing the streets. They were filling in potholes and in one instance laying down a new surface. It was a hot day. The fumes from the hot mix asphalt were potent. There was not much if any breeze. And so, you can imagine how “miserable” (?) those work conditions were. Tough. No doubt about it. Yet, they were moving about – shoveling, walking, leveling, and in general toiling (now there is a word I do not see used often) with relative ease - or so it seemed.
There was a part of me that envied them.
I do not know for sure what other’s lives are like. Who knows what battles (mental and physical) were being fought amongst the crew members that day. However, at that time, in that instance, each and every one of them was not in a hospital, not getting blood drawn, not worrying about their ANC counts, their IGg numbers or if a monoclonal peak would appear in their blood analysis.
Maybe I was feeling sorry for myself, which is an easy task when not feeling all that great. For years I have heard from others that if you have your health, you have all that you need. Well, possibly that is true. Of course, who gets to decide regarding the definition of ‘having your health.”
And so, it goes. I am extremely glad to be moving forward. Even if it means sometimes taking baby steps as the journey continues.
It is easy to forget that nothing is guaranteed. Whether it be cancer, pneumonia, whatever, there will be challenges and there will be hurdles and there will be suffering. That is life. I must also write that there is also very much to be thankful for moving forward.
July was a crazy month with lessons re-learned and appreciated.
Dr. Spock, from Star Trek fame was an impassionate kind of being. And if memory serves me well, one of his trademark lines was “Live Long and Prosper.” Probably easy for him to say. I mean he lived on a spaceship. From one perspective, it almost seems like he may not have known what he is talking about or be as smart as he believed.
For me, I will look toward September by simply writing “Stay Healthy.”